damnmydooah: (smad)
[personal profile] damnmydooah
I've been trying to figure out what has brought about this spell of suckiness in my life. Surely, it can't be karma. Yes, I can be one hell of a bitch at times, but I have not been a bad person that much that the universe is bitch-slapping me in return. It can't be fate, because that's usually used in positive terms, and not much about all of this can be described in much the same way. Kizmet, same kind of thing, also not going on.

All in all, I'd say this comes down to chance, bad luck, and a good ol' case of not quite using the brain.

I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this, apart from the fact that I really freakin' hate all of this and I wish it would just magically go away. As it is, however, I have to keep thinking of everything and it's a damn tough job to keep up. Things slip through the cracks, I can't answer completely normal questions and I've also started stress eating more than usual, which is undoing the stress weight loss I had been experiencing.

It's hard to figure out how exactly I feel about E-hole. I'm still not sure he is entirely malignant, but after the e-mails he sent me today, I am convinced that he is not just a lazy ass who lets things lie. His latest message stated that he wanted to send me registered mail, which could mean a host of things. Of course my paranoia flared up immediately (he's suing me!), but luckily I have a dad who said "Stop talking shite and give him our address." It's good to have people who sternly put your head back on straight.

The hardest thing, ultimately, is to keep up my spirits, by which I mean the hope that everything will work out. I know of course that things will not automatically work out, that I have to keep working at it, but checking out all the websites that offer houses, apartments and studios and seeing that on my budget I could basically get something that I could jam a couch and a bed into is getting a little blah.

Nevertheless. The meeting I had with Patrick (publisher guy) today went quite well, so that's a good one. Also, I am working on my thesis, and I'm enjoying it. Flood is truly a great supervisor. Next meeting is Friday, and I have to do some more brainstorming, which will be done tomorrow. For now, I will watch more Buffy, which all of you possibly don't remember is a truly depressing show. I should probably not watch it anymore. But it's Buffy.
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November 2009

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