damnmydooah: (smad)
[personal profile] damnmydooah
I've been trying to figure out what has brought about this spell of suckiness in my life. Surely, it can't be karma. Yes, I can be one hell of a bitch at times, but I have not been a bad person that much that the universe is bitch-slapping me in return. It can't be fate, because that's usually used in positive terms, and not much about all of this can be described in much the same way. Kizmet, same kind of thing, also not going on.

All in all, I'd say this comes down to chance, bad luck, and a good ol' case of not quite using the brain.

I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this, apart from the fact that I really freakin' hate all of this and I wish it would just magically go away. As it is, however, I have to keep thinking of everything and it's a damn tough job to keep up. Things slip through the cracks, I can't answer completely normal questions and I've also started stress eating more than usual, which is undoing the stress weight loss I had been experiencing.

It's hard to figure out how exactly I feel about E-hole. I'm still not sure he is entirely malignant, but after the e-mails he sent me today, I am convinced that he is not just a lazy ass who lets things lie. His latest message stated that he wanted to send me registered mail, which could mean a host of things. Of course my paranoia flared up immediately (he's suing me!), but luckily I have a dad who said "Stop talking shite and give him our address." It's good to have people who sternly put your head back on straight.

The hardest thing, ultimately, is to keep up my spirits, by which I mean the hope that everything will work out. I know of course that things will not automatically work out, that I have to keep working at it, but checking out all the websites that offer houses, apartments and studios and seeing that on my budget I could basically get something that I could jam a couch and a bed into is getting a little blah.

Nevertheless. The meeting I had with Patrick (publisher guy) today went quite well, so that's a good one. Also, I am working on my thesis, and I'm enjoying it. Flood is truly a great supervisor. Next meeting is Friday, and I have to do some more brainstorming, which will be done tomorrow. For now, I will watch more Buffy, which all of you possibly don't remember is a truly depressing show. I should probably not watch it anymore. But it's Buffy.

Date: 2009-10-08 08:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mayanarebs.livejournal.com
well, besides the living situation which is made of suck, it's awesome that you are enjoying your thesis AND that you had a serious job interview. would you have believed people who would have told that you two months ago? on the bright side: you survived the worst thing that could happen and it has given you focus. it tells you you are made of awesome! something good is going to come your way soon and it will all be worthwhile. it's just a matter of getting through the shitty parts without becoming too depressed. (says the woman who doesn't have hobbies at the moment and doesn't have a job, but knows it is going to be okay). you are made of strong stuff, hon. but at the moment it sucks. but the suckiness will go away! poof!

and at least you are not in love with an emo vampire and you will not die a couple of times (although it prolly does feel a little apocalypsy right now)

Date: 2009-10-08 09:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] damnmydooah.livejournal.com
You know what, I could probably live with dying and being brought back to life, because it'd mean I'd be able to kick some serious ass. But I should actually stop watching, because I watched four eps last night and cried at them all, I think.

Apart from it not being for myself, my living situation doesn't even suck all that much. We've established a rhythm in the house where we barely see each other, and most days I'm at the library anyway.

The meeting I had was not actually a job interview, but it was very nice. For once, I wasn't the one who talked all the time! It's a wait-and-see kind of thing, but even if it doesn't pan out, it was simply a rather nice experience. It's also taught me that when somebody asks if you can do something and you feel you can, you should just say yes.

And yeah, I AM surviving this craptastic period, but sadly, it ain't over yet; E-hole sent me another message (after I gave him my parents' address, with their consent) to say that he couldn't tell me anything about the deposit and something about legal steps, I think. But I will kick his ass, because I'm not the guilty party here.

Long reply is long. :)

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